9. DON’T EXPECT THANKS
Illustrating a sermon, Dr. R. A. Torrey once told a story he'd heard about a shipwreck in Lake Michigan. A powerful swimmer, he recalled, who was then a student at Northwestern University, had rescued 23 people as the ship went down.
To Dr. Torrey's astonishment, an elderly man at the back of the hall raised his hand.
"I was that man," he said.
Dr. Torrey asked him what stood out most in his memory about that experience after all the intervening years.
The rescuer lowered his eyes, and in a quiet voice replied, "Not a one said thanks."
Don't expect to be appreciated. When you are appreciated it will be like the cherry on top of the whipped cream of your strawberry sundae—something a little special. But don't let your rejoicing be dependent upon appreciation shown to you.
Our Lord healed ten lepers. Do you remember how many came back to thank Him? That's right. One!
The late General Harry C. Trexler, a wealthy philanthropist and outstanding citizen of Allentown, Pennsylvania, provided for the financial needs of 40 college students in 1933—the year in which he died. Four months before his death he called his secretary in and inquired how many young men and women he was sending through college. She told him. With mixed bewilderment and grief he replied, "And last Christmas I got only one or two Christmas cards from this group."
Some time ago, I read about a man in New York who, over a period of more than four decades, helped more than 5,000 young people secure positions in New York City. Recalling it later, he observed that only six had expressed gratitude.
The lesson? Expect ingratitude. Be generous for the joy of generosity—not to receive thanks. Give for the joy of giving, and soon you will be so thrillingly occupied with the privilege of giving that you will not have time to reflect upon the ingratitude of the recipients.
Ingratitude is the human condition
It is quite evident as you read the Pauline epistles that some of the very people whom Paul won to faith in Jesus Christ turned upon him and reviled him maliciously.
Do you know what is the basic sin? Someone answers, "Unbelief." But this is incorrect. If you will read Romans 1:21, you will conclude that ingratitude is at the root of all sin—whether that ingratitude be active or passive: "Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened" (Romans 1:21).
Was not ingratitude the root of the sin committed by Adam and Eve?
Consider it. The Lord Jesus Christ died for us "while we were yet sinners" (Romans 5:8). He suffered. He bled. He died—for us. Yet there are millions who, knowing this, refuse to accept Him as Savior and Lord. Why? Ingratitude!
Have you ever read about Aristotle's ideal man? Here is the philosopher's definition of him: "The ideal man takes joy in doing favors for others; but he feels ashamed to have others do favors for him. For it is a mark of superiority to confer a kindness; but it is a mark of inferiority to receive it."
Paul reminded the Christians to whom he was speaking that "it is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35). Therefore, let your joy arise out of the blessedness of giving, of helping, of doing. Not expecting gratitude, find your joy in the very act of service.
Years ago, Samuel Johnson said, "Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation. You do not find it among gross people."
People just don't make the effort
Remember those times when your friends have moved away to a distant location? No doubt you waxed eloquent and emotional about how you'd stay in touch, write, phone, e-mail, and visit. Think back and ask yourself how often such resolutions were actually carried out—whether it was with your gang at the college dorm, your buddies in the military service, your neighbors down the street, the friends you met on a six-day cruise overseas, your coworkers at the office or factory, or whatever.
It's not that we intend to ignore our friends. It's the apathy within us that does the work. Unless you, yourself, take measures to counteract that apathy, you'll lose the benefit of continuing relationships and uplifting experiences. But when you have examined your own heart, you'll not find it so difficult to grasp why others are also apathetic.
Take the matter of class reunions. Usually there are one or two spark plugs in the class. Were it not for them, noreunions would happen. They are the ones that take action, aggressively contact all the other members, and take steps to bring about a completely delightful experience of getting together after years of absence from each other.
It was the sage who said, "He who would have friends must show himself friendly." And maintaining friendships takes discipline, time, and energy.
To the degree that you understand the natural inclination toward apathy in your own life and grasp the insight regarding those whom you feel should not be apathetic to you, to that degree you will increase your capacity for the component of praise, the deterrent to worry and its divided mind.
I have talked many times about ingratitude to the president of Haggai Institute, Dr. William M. "Bill" Hinson, who earned his doctorate in behavioral modification. We have noted how, when you go out of your way to assist somebody, that person often seems to resent you. It's almost as if they're saying, "I could have made it on my own. I do not need you." This used to sting me.
I remember sitting in a Howard Johnson's in a Florida city one morning, when a young minister in his early thirties wept unashamedly in frustration over the church he was pastoring. He said, "For the Lord's sake, get me out of here." Then he suggested a church that he would like to pastor.
Long-term friend E. Harold Keown, Sr. and I immediately went into action. We knew that the Lord would have to open the door, but we were going to do everything possible to remove any obstructions. After a significant expenditure of our time and even money, the church called the young man. He has never said, "Thank you." He has never acknowledged that we did anything to help him. In fact, he has snubbed both of us. He is a good man, an outstanding speaker, and he has developed into a superior leader. Gratitude, however, does not seem to be high on his scale of personality characteristics.
Anticipate apathy. A young dentist in our city phoned me out of desperation one night to tell me his wife was on the threshold of suicide. I immediately made time to see this very attractive and capable young couple. We prayed together. The Lord spared her. Shortly thereafter, not only did he never say thank you, he became critical of the very work in which I am involved.
Saul never showed a genuine gratitude to David. David saved his life. David saved his kingdom. Yet Saul, jealous of David, tried to kill him on more than one occasion. Don't be surprised if you are not appreciated.
How many parents I know—friends of mine—who have immersed their children in material benefits, only to find that the children don't seem to appreciate it. The parents ask me why.
I have said to fathers who started with nothing and struggled to get where they are, "Where would you be today if your father had done for you what you have done for your children?" In each case, they either blanched or said something like, "Whew, I never thought of that." I am convinced that drowning children with material blessings risks producing ingratitude that will plague them throughout life.
The famous international investor Sir John Templeton warns that in giving great wealth to our children we run the risk of breeding pride in them. They did not earn their money. Consequently, they will always wonder if they could have made it without the largesse handed to them. One young man said, "I'm a self-made man." I replied, "If you didn't share your father's name, do you think the bank would have made you the loans you have taken out? They loaned you millions of dollars without sufficient collateral simply because you are your father's son!"
Ingratitude is a universal sin. Expect it. Give for the joy of giving. Do for the joy of doing. Help only for the joy of helping. And you won't have time even to notice the prevalence of the sin of ingratitude. Praise should be the habit pattern of your life—regardless of the cold and even cruel treatment received from some whom you have helped.