6. HOW TO CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS

Norman Cousins, the famous essayist and longtime editor of the Saturday Review, once fell so seriously ill that doctors did not expect him to live. Cousins took stock. He concluded that if bad emotions can induce illness, good emotions should do the reverse. He determined to think and act in a cheerful, positive, and upbeat manner, on the premise that "a merry heart doeth good like a medicine." It worked. And Cousins survived to write a book about the experience, titled Anatomy of an Illness.

Take hold of your emotional steering wheel

It is a basic law of human nature that you will feel as you think and act. Think and act the way you want to feel—and soon you will feel the way you are thinking and acting. Ideally this will be the way God wants you to feel. Let me give you an illustration.

Go to a quiet room, stand with your feet about a foot apart at the heels, and clasp your hands behind your back, letting them hang loosely. Bow your back and neck and head slightly, maintaining complete relaxation of the body. Now start thinking resentful thoughts.

Did you observe what happened? Immediately you straightened up because of the contraction of your muscles. You became taut. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions interrelated.

When a man comes into my study and sits down in a relaxed manner, placing the ankle of his right leg loosely over the knee of his left leg, and leans back, I know he has absolute confidence in me. He has no fear of me, for a position of defense would be hard to assume from this posture.

Carry this over into your everyday life. When you are depressed and forlorn and feel that you have nothing but trouble, then smile. Throw your shoulders back. Take a good deep breath. Sing. Better still, force yourself to laugh. Keep forcing it until you are laughing heartily. At first it will seem mockery, but I guarantee you, it will chase away your gloom.

You cannot think fear and act courageously. Conversely, you cannot think courage and act fearfully. You cannot think hatred and act kindly. Conversely, you cannot think kindly and act hatefully. Your feelings inevitably correspond to your dominant thoughts and actions.

Is this scriptural? Absolutely! God's Word says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7).

Alfred Adler, the famous Austrian psychiatrist, who later served as visiting professor at Columbia University in New York and at the Long Island School of Medicine, taught that those who are immersed in helping others do not suffer feelings of inferiority, neuroses, or psychoses.

Indeed, financial generosity and its corollary, compassion in positive action, strengthens and even sustains the kind of poise that is otherwise impossible.

How thought and body are linked

Now once again read Philippians 4:8 and see how important it is:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. —Philippians 4:8

Obedience to the command of Philippians 4:8 will result in obedience to the command of Philippians 4:4. As you think, so will you feel. Our feelings are revealed by our actions.

For instance, when I see a man with his feet set at ten minutes to two and his lips at twenty past eight, who pushes his weight instead of carrying it, I say to myself, "Watch out. This man is a potential tyrant." When I see a woman nervously moving her wedding band back and forth on her ring finger, I surmise that she and her husband are not getting along too well. I'm usually right.

No, you may not be able to directly control your feelings, but you can control your thoughts and actions. Therefore, in the strength of Christ, master your thoughts and actions and thus dominate your feelings.

It is impossible for you to "rejoice in the Lord always" and to worry at the same time. Furthermore, you cannot remove thoughts of worry and fear simply by saying, "I don't want to be afraid. I don't want to worry."

To win over worry, discipline yourself to think upon the "these things" of Philippians 4:8. Let your actions accommodate themselves to your thoughts. Discipline yourself to smile, to maintain good posture, to talk with a musical voice in a dynamic manner—in short, to act in a manner compatible with these positive thoughts.

Don't start tomorrow; start today. Start now. Your worries will flee. And God will be glorified.

Controlling thoughts and actions neutralize the divided mind

Bob Glaze of Dallas, Texas, has distinguished himself as a Bible teacher, a patron of the arts, a civic leader, a family man, and a businessman. He has been a member of the President's Council of the Dallas Symphony Association. He has taught a Bible class every Sunday morning for more than 40 years, and has been written up in such prestigious business publications as Fortune as an outstanding businessman.

Bob is a certified public accountant by profession. Things went very well for him from the time he was discharged from the Navy, where he served as an officer during World War II. After several years as a comptroller for a large organization, he and three friends decided to go into business for themselves. The business collapsed within a year. Bob did not panic or go into the trough of depression. He took control of his situation and, like a superb sea captain, skillfully maneuvered the ship of his life through dangerous and uncharted waters.

He would not compromise with just any position that came along. He determined what he would like to do and with whom he would like to be associated. His number-one choice was America's leading developer, Trammel Crow of Dallas.

Bob had heard that Trammel Crow was a fitness buff. So Bob got into first-class shape himself. He was 43 years old at the time. He made an appointment with Trammel Crow. During the interview, Trammel suggested they visit the fourteenth floor of one of his buildings. Bob had heard that Trammel did not take elevators but, rather, ran up the steps. When Trammel arrived at the fourteenth floor, Bob was right behind him. Later Bob chuckled as he recounted the experience and said, "I don't know if Trammel hiredme because he thought I was a good man for the job or because he was impressed that I could stay with him up the 14 flights of stairs!"

The point I'm making is that Bob kept his focus so tightly on his objective that he did not permit a divided mind. He gave no room to worry at all. He controlled his feelings by controlling his thoughts and his actions. And he secured the position he wanted, to the delight of both Trammel Crow and himself.

Controlling thoughts and actions restores health

In November 1986, Bob was rushed to the hospital with a severe case of pancreatitis. His sickness and the complications from it lasted for more than seven months. The cause of the problem lay in his gall bladder. However, Bob was so weak they could not take the chance of operating. For weeks on end, he was fed intravenously. Three times, according to the doctors, they nearly lost him. After his gall bladder surgery, Bob announced to the doctors the day he would go home. They were skeptical, but Bob acted on the conviction that the surgery was a success and that he would be home earlier than the doctors had originally suggested. And he was.

This is no appeal to foolhardiness. Bob would not be imprudent. He was simply positive. Today, in later life, he is back at his usual pace, which would challenge many a younger man. Bob is quick to acknowledge that God super-naturally intervened in restoring him to health. He and his wife Ruth believe that God heard the prayers of literally thousands of Christian friends around the world. And he is quick to give God the glory, as are all of us who had a share in helping to love him and pray him through this ordeal. However, I must quickly point out that Bob, during this time, never permitted himself to focus his attention on anythingexcept the expectation that he would survive, get well, and live a vigorous and fruitful life.

I submit to you that God honored his faith and the faith of his friends. And God also honored the focus of his mind, which gave foundation to the kinds of emotions that are helpful in healing.

Take control of your thoughts and feelings, and, I am certain, God will honor your faith too.

Kick the habit of defeatism

Much damage is done to the cause of Christ by professing Christians who shout out their defeatism and negativism by the limp manner with which they shake hands, the listless way in which they walk, the sourpuss countenance they maintain, and the plaintive and whining way in which they speak. I believe that these people do more damage to the cause of Christ than all of the bootleggers, extortionists, whoremongers, drunkards, and gutter riffraff put together.

When I was pastor of a large church in a southern city, I faced problems that would have challenged my sanity had it not been for the grace of God. One particular problem, which was kept from the congregation, came to my attention and the attention of several other church officers: one of the senior deacons was enmeshed in sin. To make matters worse, he showed no signs of remorse and/or any desire to repent. Evidence was also uncovered that another prominent member was stealing over $160 a week from the Sunday school offerings. We faced a tough dilemma. If we made either matter public, it could cause irreparable damage to the testimony of Christ.

In addition to these problems, my wife and I had a sorrow in our home. Our precious little son was totally paralyzed. He suffered from cerebral palsy as a result of birthinjuries caused by an intoxicated doctor. The little fellow was hovering between life and death. Where was the answer to my despondency?

My mind was drawn to Psalm 1. As never before I learned to appreciate the wisdom of that blessed man who delights in the law of the Lord day and night. I did not want to feel as I was feeling. It was not a good testimony. Therefore, by God's grace I fastened my thoughts upon the "these things" of Philippians 4:8 and endeavored to act in a compatible manner. On several occasions I would get into my car, drive outside the city, and literally force myself to laugh and to sing. I'm sure some passers-by thought I was crazy. But this procedure was exactly what kept me sane!

Think and act the way God would have you to think and act. Result? You will feel as you think and act. This will glorify God. It will help you give worry the brush-off.

From bicycles to banking

Dr. Mochtar Riady, an ethnic Chinese Indonesian, always had his heart set on banking. Fifty years ago, it was not possible for ethnic Chinese to work in prestigious positions. Yet Riady never lost his focus nor weakened in his determination to some day go into the banking business.

While he was waiting, he began importing and selling bicycle spare parts. The day came when he was given a menial job in the bank. He worked fervently and faithfully. During this time he pursued his studies. He kept up this incredible pace until he earned a doctorate.

He formed the now world-famous Lippo Group of companies, including Lippo Bank and later the Lippo Life Insurance Company. He developed a multinational business that included banking, insurance, urban development, retailing, properties, healthcare, education, and the Internet.

In a period of less than three years, he and son James developed a 600-acre nondescript piece of land into a "city of tomorrow." Many global business analysts considered Lippo Karawaci the most advanced in Asia; some consider it the most advanced in the world.

Dr. Riady also made arrangements for his sons to receive the best possible academic education, as well as practical education (working in financial, insurance, and property institutions). On many occasions he laid everything on the line and exposed himself to what could have been financial disaster. Through it all, he treated people fairly and ensured that they would enjoy value-added benefits by their alliance with his businesses.

When he bought the 600 acres, he saw to it that all the people in the area were provided better homes than they had previously known, as well as employment opportunities previously denied to them.

He built a 300-bed hospital, a five-star hotel, and housing that compared favorably with the upscale residential districts of any city on earth.

His sons developed great business capabilities and demonstrated unusual acumen, coupled with superior human-relations skills.

On many occasions, Riady suffered opposition ranging from severe invectives to cruel betrayals. However, he never seemed to lose his upbeat, optimistic mindset and lifestyle manner. He controlled his feelings and thus controlled his environment. He did not allow his environment to control him.

During the troubles, and angered by what they perceived to be corruption at the top, some Indonesians unleashed their hostility on Riady. The damage to Lippo Karawaci amounted to millions of dollars. Yet I never heard of complaints from Riady. He must have suffered profound grief when some of those whom he had emancipated frompoverty into self-respecting vocational status and financial security took part in vandalizing and looting the stores and factories in Lippo Karawaci.

During the 1990s, he, and especially his son James, were scandalized by politicians and pundits who accused the Riadys of guilt by association. It is a long story. The Riadys have not defended themselves; they have simply put their confidence in God and waited patiently for the truth to finally emerge. Thank God, as I write this, it is finally emerging. And those who are interested in the truth have come to realize the injustice.

When one walks into Riady's office, the most striking part of that office is the magnificent artistic portrayal of Jesus washing the disciples' feet.

When I visited him in 1997,1 was struck by the quiet presence of Mrs. Riady in the corner of the office preparing her Bible study lesson.

Riady, a convert to the Lord Jesus Christ in his mature years and after verifiable success in business, demonstrates day by day the power of controlling one's feelings. He carries an emotional thermostat that sets the temperature around him—not a thermometer that merely responds to it.